The other night, I was swiping through Bumble, and I came across a profile that made me laugh: "Not hot enough to have no bio." But, here's my take: No one is too hot to make a total absence of effort look enticing. Even celebrities on Raya have bios (even if it's just one sentence).
If there's one thing guaranteed to make me swipe left immediately, it's when someone has patently put zero effort into their dating app profile. But, swiping on the apps, I see it all the time — a Hinge profile full of prompts, each completed with one lone punctuation mark: "." Or a solitary emoji. I see Bumble, Tinder, and Feeld profiles left blank — sometimes with only one photo as an accompaniment (talk about heavy lifting!).
I get that it takes a bit of time to put some thought into responding to the prompts or crafting a witty bio. But that's the only real way to show prospective matches a bit of personality. Photos can only take you so far.
I don't care how good-looking you are. How cool you look in your photos. How tall you are or how good your job is. No bio, no swipe right. Your profile is your chance to show who you truly are.
But it's not just about showing off your stellar personality and unparalleled wit. It's about demonstrating that you're willing to invest. "The profile itself is one of the earliest relationship skills that a person will demonstrate," says Janee Young, licensed therapist and clinical director of Wellness Detox of LA.
What no dating app bio says about you
The amount of effort you put into your profile is very telling, in my view. If you can't be bothered to answer simple prompts or to write even one sentence for a bio, what does that tell me about the kind of partner you would be? Seeing those incomplete prompts or the empty bio, I ask myself: If I were in a relationship with this person, would they remember to buy me a birthday card? Would they put effort into our relationship? Would they do kind and thoughtful gestures without being prompted? Would they meet my needs?
It's perfectly possible that, despite your unfinished profile, you'd actually make a great partner. In which case, you're doing yourself a disservice by not taking the 5-10 minutes, tops, to write a little bit about yourself. First impressions count. So, show us who you actually are, rather than letting us make assumptions based on what's not on your profile.
Paul Brunson, Tinder’s global relationship expert, says, "When you leave your bio blank, you're missing an opportunity to connect."
"It doesn't offer a sense of who you are, and makes it harder for people to start a conversation," he adds. The same rule applies to relying on one emoji in your bio. As Brunson says, it "forces the other person to make assumptions, and makes it feel like work."
"A simple, genuine line about yourself or what you're looking for goes much further. A little effort at this stage will go a long way to creating better connections," he adds.
Sixty-one percent of daters on Hinge say they want to look at someone's profile and gauge what a partnership with a potential match would look like, the app emailed Mashable. That means users are looking to learn details about lifestyle, interests, and hobbies.
Avoid negative comments in your bio
As well as empty bios, I've also seen people write negative (and sometimes ignorant) things in theirs. Comments like "no drama please," "looking for someone sane," or "no pronouns please" are straight-up red flags, in my view.
I've also seen bios bemoaning dating culture, or making fun of clichés in people's bios or messages.
"Please don't message me asking about my weekend," or "Does anyone even message on here?" Brunson says he understands why people do this, but "leading with negativity almost never gets you the results you want." He adds: "A profile should draw people in, not push them away."
"Think of your bio as the handshake before the conversation — you want it to be warm, inviting, and confident," he says. "You want someone to feel comfortable messaging you, not worried they'll say the wrong thing. So focus on setting expectations through clarity and positivity, not restrictions and bad vibes."
Why photos alone are not enough
What do therapists say about the habit of leaving your profile blank?
"Leaving your profile blank means that you are requiring the other user to take a leap, while you are unwilling to take said leap yourself," says Brian Lutz, licensed therapist and chief clinical officer at Blume Behavioral Health.
"The amount of effort you put into your initial introduction will provide the other person with information about your emotional availability, reflective of your seriousness about this process and respect for their time," he adds.
Young echoes this. "When individuals create blank profiles, they typically expect their photos alone will provide enough information about themselves to others viewing their profiles," she says.
"Blank profiles also require other individuals (the 'other' party) to perform unnecessary emotional labor," she adds. "When an individual cannot discern another person's personality, intent(s), lifestyle choices, etc., they are far more likely to assign those characteristics based upon their own perceptions, which can result in incompatibility and ultimately mismatches."
Give us something to talk about
Don't forget, we're also living in the age of dating app fatigue. We're dealing with constant unmatching, ghosting, and unanswered opening messages. Daters (myself included) are frustrated by the absence of actual conversation going on in their inboxes. So, why make it harder for someone to start a chat with you? Giving nothing away in your bio basically makes it impossible to come up with a decent icebreaker. Believe me, I've tried. To those frustrated with the constant "hey, how are you?" openers on the apps, ask yourself if your profile has any conversation starters. Please don't make me send another "nice moustache" message.
So, if you're reading this and thinking, "Oops, guilty as charged," I beseech you: just give your profile a sprinkle of personality, a light dusting of detail, a pinch of wit. Your matches will thank you for it. And your profile will have that certain je ne sais quoi that'll make prospective dates think: "Immediate swipe right."
Source: Mashable